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JOKE OF THE DAY...
A Seattle area mortician had a new apprentice who was learning the embalming ropes. He walked into the embalming room where a cadaver was lying on the table. Thinking he knew enough now to begin the procedure without his boss, he began examining the body. He rolled it over and to his amazement, there was a cork in its rear end. Mystified, he pulled it out, and immediately heard the University of Washington fight song come out the cadaver's butt. Startled by what had happened, he shoved the cork back into the cadaver and ran up the stairs to find his mentor."Sir, you've got to come down and help me! I've just seen something I can't believe," he cried. Annoyed by the naivete of his assistant, he followed him downstairs. "There! Look at the cork in the ass of that body", said the assistant. "I couldn't imagine what it was doing there so I pulled it out. Please, you do it." The mortician was a bit surprised to see the cork, too, so he walked to the table and removed the cork. Once again, the University of Washington fight song started playing. Exasperated, he replaced the cork in its appointed position, turned to his assistant and said: What's so surprising about that? I've heard thousands of assholes sing that song."
Other jokes for today...
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I am a sailor in the United States Coast Guard. My parents live in a suburb of Philadelphia and one of my sisters, who lives in Benson Hurst, is married to a transvestite. My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana and are currently dependent on my other two sisters, who are prostitutes in Jersey City. I have two brothers; one is currently serving a no-parole life sentence in Attica for 1st degree murder.
The other is currently being held in the Wellington Remand Center on charges of beating his wife and kids. I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who lives in the Bronx and indeed is still a part-time "working girl" in a brothel. However, her time there is limited, as she has recently been infected with an STD. We intend to marry as soon as possible and are currently looking into the possibility of opening our own brothel, with my fiancée utilizing her knowledge of the industry, working as the manager. I am hoping my two sisters would be interested in joining our team. Although I would prefer them not to prostitute themselves, at least it would get them off the streets, and hopefully, off the heroin.
My problem is this: I love my fiancée and look forward to bringing her into the family, and of course I want to be totally honest with her. Should I tell her about my cousin who plays football for the University of Washington?
Worried About My Reputation
A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a
Washington Husky. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were Huskies
too. No one really knowing what a Washington Husky was but wanting to be like their
teacher, their hands explode into the air like fleshy fireworks. There is, however,
one exception. A girl named Kristen has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks
her why she has decided to be different.
"Because I'm not a Husky."
"Then," asks the teacher, "what are you?"
"I'm proud to be a Washington State Cougar," boasts the little girl.
The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She ask Kristen why she is a rebel.
"Well, my mom and dad are Cougars, so I'm a Cougar too."
The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?"
A pause...and a smile."Then," says Kristen, "I'd be a Husky!"
A Husky, Cougar, and Pamela Anderson were all riding together on a train across the state. The train went into a tunnel and the car that the three were sitting in went completely black. Then a kissing sound was heard, followed by a load SLAP! When the car lit up again the three were sitting there and the Husky was holding his bright red face.
Pamela Anderson thought to herself "That Husky must have tried to kiss me and accidentally kissed the Cougar instead so he got slapped"
The Husky thought to himself (I know, Huskies don't think...it's a joke though so bare with me) "That damn Cougar must have kissed Pamela and she tried to slap him and missed and hit me instead"
The Cougar sat there with a big grin on his face thinking..."When we go through another tunnel I am going to make that kissing sound one more time so Pamela slaps that f***ing Husky again!"
Q "What is the difference between a porcupine and Husky stadium?"
A Husky stadium has 70 thousand pricks on the inside.